Last caress
by themanemmaloves
Summary: I found a prompt on tumblr and just had to write it for Captain Swan. As you could guess by the title, there is a major character death involved. Basically one person is really ill and in the hospital and the other person comes to visit them.


**I am so done with myself this is the rudest thing I have ever written. I actually cried. Major character death warning.**

* * *

He opened the door to her room, gaze landing on the exhausted and pale, but still gorgeous, blonde with a broken smile resting on her bed. His voice was gentle and quieter then usual. He was so happy to finally see her after that seven hour surgery.

"Hey, beautiful."

"Please. I know I look like shit, no need to sugarcoat it."

"No. You don't. You're always beautiful to me."

Emma chuckled at that, chuckle that slowly turned into a slight cough. Killian took a few steps towards her, pulling out a chair then sitting next to her bed. Taking her pale shaking hand into his, he kissed it, luring out another brief smile on her face.

She was so tired. He couldn't remeber if he's ever seen her this tired. So sad. So drained.

"I've missed you, love."

His voice was as loud as a whisper, his eyes stilling on the way her thumb traced circles on his palm as he just hoped with his entire being that she gets well soon. There was nothing more important to him than that. Just to see her at home again, with Henry, with him, to see her without a limited time, without all these needles shoved into her veins and without the hopelessness in her face.

"I know. I've missed you too."

Killian put his arm around her, head resting in her lap as her fingers somehow found their way to his hair. He nuzzled his head against her stomach, as she continued running her fingers slowly through his hair.

"I cannot wait until you get out of here, so we can go somewhere. Just you, Henry and me."

"Me too. Only _if_ I get out of here."

"Don't say that. Please. The doctor told me the surgery went well and that you should be able to recover soon enough."

" _Should_ , Killian. Let's not fool ourselves. I'm not doing well and you know it. I heard the doctors talking in the hallway today." Her sentence was interrupted when she started coughing again. Loudly and much more concerning. "They said the next 24 hours are crucial. I may not make it."

Killian knew that, the doctors already said it to him. 'Be prepared for everything.' they said. Like it was that fucking easy.

"Hey, listen to me. You're going to make it, alright?"

"What if I don't?"

"You will. Don't be such a pessimist, Emma. We need you here. You know that."

"You'll be alright. You know, without me."

"You're not going anywhere."

"No, if something happens, you'll be alright without me."

"I won't. _But_ , you're not going anywhere so neither of us has to think about it."

Emma's voice was becoming weaker with each passing second and Killian noticed it. She is just exhausted, he thought. Who wouldn't be after being dragged around hospitals for months? But she was strong and she endured everything. She will endure this too. And soon enough they will be sitting on their couch, drinking rum and she will be rolling her eyes at his jokes with Henry on his team as they tease her together.

"I hope so."

"Hey." He turned his head for a second to face her, serious and confident in his words, he repeated once more " _You're not going anywhere_."

Emma stopped for a second, gaze stilling on his face as she nodded, and a soft 'alright' fell off of her lips. Reassured, Killian faced away from her again, fingers playing with the sheets on her bed.

"Killian, if..."

"Emma, no..."

"Just hear me out."

Tears started appearing at the corners of her eyes as she spoke. Breath hitching with every word she said and Killian didn't have the strength to look at her like that. Instead, he grabbed her hand and interwined his fingers with hers.

" _If_ something happens to me, I want you to promise me you'll take care of Henry, alright? Reassure him, talk to him, tell him it's going to be ok and tell him I love him. Please, Killian... I need to know my son is going to have someone to go through this with. Will you promise me that?"

"Aye. Aye. Of course. I promise."

"Good."

Gently and carefully, her hand reached to caress Killian's cheek. She knew how much he loved that. Loved preety much every touch of hers. The way her skin left a slightest trace on his... The way her lips would linger on his almost every time she would kiss him... The way her hand would reach to to caress his neck... It was everything to him.

They just stayed in silence like that for awhile. Emma's hand rested on Killian's jaw, and his rested on her hip. Killian started shifting all of a sudden, and Emma knew something was bothering him.

"What is it?"

"I just... It's nothing."

"No it isn't. Tell me."

"Why are you so ok with this? Ok with dying? How can you be so calm?"

"It's easier to pretend to be ok with something then to show everyone you're not." He looked up at her and saw a few tears roll down her cheek. It was always painful to see her like that.

"Killian I don't want to die. I don't. There's so much more I want to experience. And I am barely holding it together because I know there is a possibility I might not make it. I am terrified. I don't want this..." She stopped for a second to wipe her face clean then took a breath and continued "But it is how it is. And whatever happens happens."

He just stared at her speechless, whatever he had to say felt like too much. If he could take away her pain and her fear, he would. If he could trade places with her, he would, but he can't. He can't do anything to help her. He can just sit and wait and to him, that is the worst of all.

"But hey..." She continued. "It's not a total waste."

His voice weak, and tears slowly tracing a line down his cheeks he added

"What do you mean?"

"I met Henry, you, my parents. I found my family, Killian. I was happy. For awhile, I was happy. 13 year old me would be proud to die like this."

"Emma..."

"It's ok. It's ok, really. At least I had something to live for."

Killian's eyes continued filling with tears. He couldn't control it. Just thinking about the possibility of not having her in his life had him feeling like his soul got ripped out along with everything that ever mattered to him. He turned around again and placed his head back on her stomach.

"I don't want to lose you. I can't."

"I know. I don't want that either. But it's not our choice."

Killian didn't have the strength or the proper words to answer. What could he say anyway?

"Killian?"

"Yes?"

"Whatever happens... Please just remember that I love you. I love you so much."

Killian struggle to choke back tears. It was harder then he thought it would be.

"I love you too... I will always love you. Just know that, ok?"

"I do. I have."

"Good."

Her hand found it's way to his cheek, tracing a gentle line down to his jaw before landing on the bed.

"Swan, do you think we could go to that restuarant again after you get well? The one where Henry loves those pancakes so much."

He got no answer.

"Emma?"

Looking up as fast as it was humanly possible, all he could see was Emma with her eyes closed.

"Emma?"

He repeated, parts of him still desperately hoping that nothing happened. He ignored the machine once it started beeping and just continued calling out for her name.

His heart started beating so fast he could hear every each one of it's beats echoing in his head, driving him insane. His vision started blurring, entire body shaking as he tried to wake her up with a desparate attempt of shakingng her arm and calling her name once more.

She didn't move. She didn't answer. She didn't breathe.

She was gone.

The only thing left lingering with him was the ghost of a hand caressing his cheek.


End file.
